New Scientific Discovery Announced!!!
The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by
researchers from the Science Department at South Skunky Schools. The
element, tentatively "administratium", has no protons or electrons, and
thus has an atomic mass of zero.
However, it does have one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 75 vice
neutrons, and 111 assistant vice neutrons, which gives it an atomic
mass of 312. The 312 particles are held together by a force that
involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called
Since it has no electrons, administratium is inert. However, it can be
detected chemically, as it impedes every reaction with which it comes
into contact. According to the researchers, a minute amount
administratium causes one reaction to take more than four days to
complete, when normally it would have occurred in less than a second.
Administratium has a normal half-life of about three years, at which
time it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization, in
which assistant neutrons, vice neutrons and assistant vice neutrons
exchange places. One study shows that the total atomic mass actually
INCREASES after each reorganization.
Research at other laboratories indicates that administratium occurs
naturally in the atmosphere. Besides South Skunky Schools Central
Office, high concentrations can be found at large corporations,
political campaign offices, major universities, and particularly around
all government offices. Traces are found around the newest, best
appointed and best maintained buildings everywhere. The highest
concentration found to date is in New York City, airborne in the
vicinity of the United Nations building. Even so, Washington, D.C., is
expected to contain the bulk of the nation's future supply of
Scientists point out that administratium is known to be very toxic at
ANY level of concentration, and can easily destroy a productive
where it is allowed to accumulate. Research is underway to determine
it can be controlled to prevent irreversible damage. Results to date
not been promising.
Experiments are now being developed to release administratium in a
chlorofluorocarbon (CFC) compound into the ozone hole, with the hopes
of halting or reversing the process. Other nations are feared to be
developing military applications.