LaBeaver just moved into a semi-rural area. He recently had called the
local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer
Crossing sign on his road.
The reason: "too many deer were being hit by cars" and he didn't want them to cross there anymore.
LaBeaver was serving a Bored of Education luncheon. When a member asked
for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.
LaBeaver was checking book bags at the high school, and asked a student,
"Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?"
The student replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"
He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross Dr. Raygun I
was crossing the street with the intellectually challenged LaBeaver.
LaBeaver asked if he knew what the buzzer was for, and Raygun explained
that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, LaBeaver
responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"
At a good-bye luncheon for a teacher who was being excessed
LaBeaver commented cheerfully, "this is fun. We should do this more often.
"Not a word was spoken. The teachers just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
LaBeaver plugged his computer's power strip back into itself and for
the life of him couldn't understand why his system would not turn on.
When the mechanic arrived at the central office to pick LaBeaver's car,
he was told the keys had been locked in it. He went to the car and
found LaBeaver working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As
he watched from the passenger side, he instinctively
tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
"Hey, this door is open!" To which LaBeaver replied,
"I know - I already got that side."