South Skunky Schools

Absenteeism

FROM: DR. LABEAVER
CC: SOUTH SKUNKY BORED OF EDUCATION
SUBJECT: NEW SICK LEAVE POLICY
EFFECTIVE: SEPTEMBER 1, 2003

     IT HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO MY ATTENTION THAT THE ATTENDANCE
RECORD OF THIS FACULTY IS A DISGRACE---DUE TO THE LACK OF CONSIDERATION OF YOUR JOB WITH SO FINE A DISTRICT--AS SHOWN BY SUCH FREQUENT ABSENTISM IT HAS BECOME NECESSARY FOR US TO REVISE SOME OF OUR POLICIES-- THE FOLLOWING CHANGES ARE IN EFFECT AS OF TODAY.----

SICKNESS-- NO EXCUSE----WE WILL NO LONGER ACCEPT YOUR DOCTOR'S STATEMENT AS PROOF--AS WE BELIEVE THAT IF YOU ABLE TO GO TO THE DOCTOR-- YOU ARE ABLE TO COME TO WORK--------

DEATH—(OTHER THAN YOUR OWN) THIS IS NO EXCUSE---THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO FOR THEM AND WE ARE SURE THAT SOMEONE ELSE WITH A LESSER POSITION CAN ATTEND TO THE ARRANGEMENTS ---- HOWEVER, IF THE FUNERAL CAN BE THE LATE AFTERNOON --- WE WILL BE GLAD TO LET YOU OFF ONE HOUR EARLY -- PROVIDED THAT YOUR SHARE OF WORK IS AHEAD ENOUGH TO KEEP THE JOB GOING IN YOUR ABSENCE

LEAVE OF ABSENCE ---(FOR AN OPERATION)WE ARE NOT LONGER ALLOWING THIS PRACTICE----WE WISH TO DISCOURAGE ANY THOUGHT THAT YOU MAY HAVE ABOUT NEEDING AN OPERATION AS WE BELIEVE AS LONG AS YOU ARE EMPLOYED HERE---YOU WILL NEED ALL OF ANYTHING YOU HAVE AND YOU SHOULD NOT CONSIDER ANYTHING REMOVED --- WE HIRED YOU AS YOU ARE AND TO HAVE ANYTHING REMOVED WOULD CERTAINLY MAKE YOU LESS THAN WHAT WE BARGAINED FOR

RESTROOMS---ENTIRELY TOO MUCH TIME IS BEING SPENT IN THE RESTROOM.  IN THE FUTURE --- WE WILL FOLLOW THE PRACTICE OF GOING TO THE RESTROOM IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER --- FOR INSTANCE --- THOSE WHOSE NAMES BEGIN WITH -A- WILL GO FROM 0800 TO 0805 --- THOSE WHOSE NAMES BEGIN WITH -B- WILL GO FROM 0805 TO0810 --- AND SO ON --------IF YOU ARE UNABLE TO GO AT YOUR TIME --- IT WILL BE NECESSARY TO WAIT UNTIL THE DAY WHEN YOUR TURN COMES AGAIN!


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