The South Skunky School
Board President was given a ticket
for a performance of Schubert's Unfinished Symphony. Since he was
to go, he passed the invitation on to Stuperintendent LaBeaver.
The next morning, the president asked him how he enjoyed it, and
of a few plausible observations, he was handed a memorandum which read
1. For a considerable period, the oboe players had nothing
do. Their number should be reduced, and their work spread over the
orchestra, thus avoiding peaks of inactivity.
2. All 12 violins were playing identical notes. This
unnecessary duplication, and the staff of this section should be
cut. If a large volume of sound is really required, this could be
through the use of an amplifier.
3. Much effort was involved in playing the sixteenth
This seems an excessive refinement and is recommended that all notes
be rounded up to the nearest eighth note. If this were done, it
be possible to use paraprofessionals instead of experienced
4. No useful purpose is served by repeating the passage
has already been handled by the strings with horns. If all such
passages were eliminated, the concert could be reduced from two hours
5. This symphony had two movements. If Schubert
achieve his musical goals by the end of the first movement, then, he
have stopped there. The second movement is unnecessary and should
In light of the above, one can only conclude that
Schubert given attention to these matters, he probably would have had
time to finish his symphony.