South Skunky Schools

Chairpersons Resignations

 Dear Dr. LaBeaver,

    We were recently informed that you plan to abolish our jobs, so we have decided to aid you in your attempt to import more “apple knockers” to South Skunky Schools.
     As graduates of institutions of higher education, we had a few very basic expectations. Chief among these was that our direct superiors had an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of our co workers and us during the commission of our duties, we can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time.
    Asking us, as chairman, to explain every little nuance of everything we do each time you happen to stroll into the teachers room is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. We were hired and proved our expertise long before you arrived, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to us and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand simple concepts like "cut and paste" for the hundredth time.
    You will never understand parents, students, teachers or even simple computers. Something as incredibly simple as a binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why teachers hate you, but we are going to try and explain it to you, even though we are sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will.
  You walk around the buildings all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on an overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Stuperintendents like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle. Since this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy, we are forced to tender our resignations.
    We do however we have a few parting thoughts.
   1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal for you to give us a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt us is "I prefer not to comment." We will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because we know you would be unable to do it on your own.
   2. Between all of us we have all the passwords to every account on the system, and we know every password you have used for the last three years. If you decide to get cute, we are going to publish your "favorites list", which was conveniently saved when you had your former secretary (the compentent one before the cute blonde) “back up" your “useless” files. We do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favorably by the Bored of Education.
 3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your Mother's birthday," you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say we have never seen such odd acts with a sauce bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letters of recommendation. (When you write them try to useing a spell check please; we hate having to correct your mistakes.)
   Thank you for your time, and we each expect the letter of recommendation. Leak word of this to anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never fuck with your chairman. Why? Because not only do we run the building on a daily basis, but we know what you do with all that free time!
    Wishing you a grand and glorious day………………

                                                                         South Skunky Building Chairs

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