South Skunky Testing

No Child Left Behind Act

To: All Employees
From: Dr. LaBeaver
CC: South Skunky Bored of Education

    Dr. LaBeaver in response to President Bush's federal "No Child Left Behind Act" (NCLB), has proposed that students will have to pass a new Math assessment to graduate from high school. The new test will be called the Federal Arithmetic and Reading Test, or FART, and will be administered in the 7th grade. All students who cannot pass a FART in 7th grade will be retested in Grades 8, 9, and 10 until they are capable of passing a FART score of 80%.

    If a student does not successfully FART by grade 10, that student shall be placed in a separate 11th Grade Math program known as the Special Math Elective Learning Lab, or SMELL. If, with this increased SMELL program, the student cannot pass the required FART test, he or she can still graduate by taking a fall semester course in Comprehensive Rote Arithmetic Preparation, or CRAP in the 12th Grade.

    If by the spring semester of 12th Grade the student cannot FART, SMELL, or CRAP, he or she can earn a diploma by taking an intensive seminar known as the Preparatory Requisites for Unprepared Nationally Exempted Students, or PRUNES.

    It is the opinion of the South Skunky Department of Instruction: Public Schools (DIPS) that an intensive semester of PRUNES will enable any student to FART, SMELL, or CRAP.

    This revised provision of South Skunky student's curriculum component should help "clear the air" as part of the South Skunky Schools "No School Left Standing Policy".